The Non-Sexual Intimacy Meme

[enticingly]

Intimacy is NOT necessarily about full sexual contact. Intimacy is all about two people forming a connection and bond between them. That involves becoming best friends, trusting each other, knowing each other, understanding each other. Intimacy is grown and developed, it can't be rushed.

Nonsexual forms of intimacy can add a great deal of depth and variety to fiction. On one end of the spectrum, they provide extra steps to support the journey from meeting a potential mate through romance, sex, and marriage. In the middle, they convey the import of family and professional connections, distinguishing those from more casual acquaintances. On the other end, they form much of the glue in primary relationships for people who don't base their ties on sexuality. Sex and romance are valuable, but they're not everything.

RULES
-Comment with your character. Be sure to include preferences (ie, f/f for shipping, OTA for gen, etc)
-Tag others!

PROMPTS
1. Hair care. Brushing, braiding, washing, cutting -- all of these involve a lot of careful touching in ways that many people enjoy. Hair braiding is a bonding experience in some cultures. In fact, grooming is a bonding technique for social primates in general. People without close ties to others often treat themselves to regular salon visits as a socially acceptable way to meet the need for touch and interaction.

2. Shaving. This involves an unusually high level of trust, especially if the person is using a straight-edge razor or something else with an exposed blade rather than just a buzzer. Although it can apply to women, shaving is one of the few forms of physical intimacy that is most closely associated with men due to their facial hair. Initiaton into shaving is a major milestone for becoming a man, not just for boys during puberty but also for transsexuals during transition.

3. Bathing. This varies by culture; in America most people bathe alone but some other cultures practice communal bathing. A bath is usually more intimate than a shower, although a public bath can be non-intimate and small shower stall can be intimate. It's also different when two people wash each other (an exchange of intimacy and affection) than when one person washes someone else (more of a caretaking or protective gesture).

4. Feeding. A classic romantic motif involves lovers feeding each other, but it works as a way of providing and caring for someone in any context. Like bathing, it can also clue whether both parties are participating equally or one is taking care of the other (temporarily or regularly). This one has an existential flavor since survival depends on food supply.

5. Seeing someone without their adaptive equipment on. This includes glasses, dentalware, prosthetic limbs, a wheelchair, etc. Adaptive equipment is part of one's presentation to the everyday world, and taking it off can be as intimate as removing clothing, for many people in many contexts.

6. Holding Hands. There can be many reasons for this gesture. Physical closeness, offering comfort, or staying together in a crowd, all may have you reaching for someone.

7. Undressing someone. This can be kind of a one-way experience if the recipient isn't awake, and is often awkward for both people if they are awake. Sometimes it happens because hands are out of commission, but a more common example is someone passing out drunk. Overheating is another good reason. Different circumstances can imply different levels of intimacy.

8. Sharing secrets. This especially applies to talking about personal issues that aren't widely known. An exchange of secrets is a common ritual between "best friends" among girls and women, but appears elsewhere as well. Some things are only discussed among people with a common reference; veterans may be more comfortable discussing war memories with each other than civilians.

9. Ordering for someone in a restaurant. Acquiring food, without asking the other person what to get, shows a knowledge of their needs and desires. Providing food is also a gesture of support and sustenance.

10. Providing moral support at a major event. Helping someone get through a funeral, a trial, or other intense but not crisis situation is usually performed by a very dear friend. This is a situation where lovers or family members may be too close to the matter to be much use.

11. Crying on someone. When you cry, you tend to let your guard down. Most of the people close to you will see you cry at some point, so that can be a milestone in a relationship. Actually crying on someone, letting them hold you, is even more intimate.

12. Serving in a primary role for someone during a wedding. This includes the best man or maid of honor at a wedding, or stand-in for absent parents, etc. as well as the traditional family roles. One aspect of intimacy is sharing each other's lives, including ceremonies and transitions.

13. Comforting someone after a bad breakup. Moments of great vulnerability can bring people closer. While this role sometimes falls to family, breakup repair more often goes to a woman's female friends or a man's male friends.

14. Listening to someone's heartbeat or breathing. Close body contact, enough to carry soft personal sounds, tends to be comforting as well as connecting, as it touches on positive childhood memories for most people. It is shared between parent and child, sometimes between siblings, and later between lovers. Tight nonsexual partners may also do this.

15. Putting someone to bed. Interestingly, this activity can happen among people who are just getting to know each other -- most often if someone passes out drunk, but exhaustion can have a similar effect. It's a gesture of caring to put someone to bed rather than leave them where they drop. A milder version involves draping a blanket or coat over a person asleep on a couch or the like.

16. Sleeping in the same bed. This is an act of shared vulnerability and intimacy. Lovers customarily do this; so do some siblings or friends, especially as children. People may also be driven to share a bed, sleeping bag, etc. for warmth or lack of other accommodations in challenging circumstances.

17. Watching someone sleep. There is more vulnerability on the part of the sleeper, and more intimacy from the watcher, when only one person is asleep. Parents often watch their children sleep. Lovers sometimes do this with each other, which can be cute or creepy. It's also a guard position, useful for showing that one character seeks to protect another.

18. Waking someone up from a nightmare. A subtler form of rescue than more physical actions, this is still a gesture of protection and caring. It often leads to comfort afterwards. A typical courtesy between parent and child, or lovers, this can also be an early threshold for characters thrust together unexpectedly if one of them has sturdy daytime walls and a lot of issues. It is common, but often unspoken, among war buddies or veterans, many of whom have nightmares.

19. Sharing clothes, jewelry, other personal items. This is common between siblings or close female friends. Sometimes roommates do it too. Wearing someone else's shirt or bathrobe is typical in romantic relationships, so can suggest a similar level of intimacy even in the absence of sex.

20. Cleaning someone else's living space. This shows care and knowledge on the part of the cleaner, and trust on the part of the recipient. You have to know what NOT to throw away or move. It's typical of family members and roommates. Coworkers may clean each other's desk, office space, etc.

21. Living together. This is a big step, even if it's just for a little while. Housemates are in each other's pockets; it's hard to keep secrets. Family members and lovers often live together, but housemates who are family-of-choice form a category of their own. If you don't want a romantic partner, a permanent housemate is a good choice for someone to share your life with.

22. Childbirth. Attending the blessed event entails providing a lot of moral support for hours under high stress. It can create a bond with the baby as well as with the mother. When planned, this opportunity is only offered to the closest family members or friends, barring professionals. But it can happen by surprise in very awkward circumstances, a popular motif in fiction.

23. Saving someone's life. Quick action in a life-threatening situation demonstrates how much one person values another. This can create a strong sense of connection, and sometimes obligation. It often, though not always, entails personal risk for the rescuer. This is fairly typical for military buddies or police partners, etc.

24. Risking your life for someone. Placing someone else ahead of your own life shows their importance to you unequivocally. This often, though not always, involves trying to save or protect another person. While it can create a sense of gratitude, it frequently causes anger as well -- someone who loves you will generally object to you endangering yourself, even to protect them. Military and police buddies protect each other regularly.

25. Making emergency decisions for someone. This reveals both how well you know the person, and how much you care about them -- whether you know what they would want, and act on it even if it differs from your personal preference. Unlike some of the other options, in this one the initial action is often outweighed by the aftermath. Both characters have to deal with the results of the decisions, good or bad.

26. Deathwatch. Dying can be as intimate as giving birth. Staying with someone while they pass is an act of love; so is providing moral support to someone sitting deathwatch for a family member or other person. Many soldiers and police have done this for someone.

Comments

hazel levesque | pjo

[intrepidae]

15???

[asanox]

They've taken the late watch to give everyone else a break, and Frank can't say he's complaining too much. Bed would be nice, but helping everyone else out, being with Hazel, that's way better.

A comfortable silence has fallen over them for the past half hour, and he's about to break it when he feels her head on his shoulder. A flutter moves through his stomach as he tilts his head to look down at her.

"Hey. You still awake?"

yes good

[intrepidae]

She hadn't meant to fall asleep at all. But Frank was right there, and he was warm, and she was just tired. Her head lolled a few times before hitting his shoulder, and she just stopped fighting it, dozing off against him.

Except she jolts awake at the sound of his voice. "What? Yes. I'm awake. Sorry, Frank."

[asanox]

Oh no she's really cute. And there's a bit of guilt in him that he's woken her up, especially considering the past few days that they've had. Shed' be more comfortable somewhere else though, like her own bed, rather than leaning against him.

"No, it's okay. But if you're tired, you should go to bed. Come on." He gets to his feet and offers her his hand. He'll just, you know, take her there.

[intrepidae]

Hazel blinks at him for a moment, blinks at his hand, then makes a bit of a face without any signs of standing. A yawn threatens, but she bites down on her cheek. "We're all tired. I'm on watch. I'm not going to leave you alone to it."

[asanox]

He wiggles his fingers at her, clearly not budging on this. "You're falling asleep on watch." Not that he means that as criticism. Nope, never with Hazel. She's perfect. A small smile graces his face. "Don't worry. I think I can handle the watch for another hour. Not that I want you to leave!"

He just wants her to be okay.

[intrepidae]

She puffs up her cheeks a bit, looking pointedly at his wriggling fingers. "I didn't -" Okay, she totally fell asleep, she can't even argue that. But she frowns a little, because she really doesn't want to leave Frank out here alone. Not because thinks him incapable (the opposite, really), but it's supposed to be both their jobs right now. "I can just munch on something. It'd keep me awake for that last stretch."

[asanox]

Frank's relenting before he can even properly think that decision through. It's the puffed cheeks, really. She looks a bit like a chipmunk. There's a moment, though, where he looks like he might argue with her. He should take her to bed, but...

"Okay. What do you want? I can get it for you."

[intrepidae]

She pauses because, well, she wasn't expecting that. She thought he'd put up a fight. And she has no idea what sort of thing to eat - mostly she was just throwing out reasons to stay up on deck.

"Breakfast is soon, I don't want anything big." Another pause; she doesn't really want to send him away either. She fights against another yawn before adding, "Maybe just... a donut?"

[asanox]

It's not necessarily sending him away. He's offering to do this for her, even if he does still think she should cut her shift early and get more sleep. "Okay. Be right back."

And he zips off to the dining area really quick, hurrying to grab a donut for her before returning a couple of minutes later. Not that he doesn't think she couldn't handle herself on her own. She definitely, completely can.

He just wants to be around her as much as possible. "Here."

[intrepidae]

Hazel stands up when Frank leaves, figuring it'll be easier to stay awake alone if she's pacing around. Not that he's gone for long at all, and she smiles brightly at him when he comes back. Not only because he's got food, but just because he's back.

She reaches for the donut, her thank you muffled by another yawn. But she takes a quick bite before Frank can remark on it (and before she yawns again). Except she's still really tired, so she sits back down to hopefully hide it better as she continues munching.

[asanox]

Hazel's not really fooling him, and it's definitely written all over his face when he takes his seat next to her again. Still, he smiles back at her, hesitating only a second before wrapping his arm around her shoulders. "Better?"

[intrepidae]

She chooses to ignore that look in his face, eating the donut with a somewhat constructed casualness. When he wraps his arm around her, she leans against him without really thinking, slumping and relaxing a little more than she might have allowed herself if she really wasn't so tired. It's not her fault Frank is super comfortable. And warm. "Much better," she says, softly.

18

[sometimeskinder]

Nico's always heard better in the dark.

He doesn't hesitate when the sounds of Hazel's distress carry through to him; he doesn't even bother with the door. Slipping in between the shadows, he ends up in her room on the Argo II. And then just kind of...stops for a second.

Nico doesn't know how to do this. He was always the younger sibling, the one that needed comfort. Not the one giving it. Still, he can't leave Hazel like this, so he forces past the hesitation and slowly reaches out, touching her shoulder gently before shaking her a little.

"Hazel." A beat. "Hazel, wake up. It's not - wake up." It's not real, he'd wanted to say, but they're demigods. It might be.

[intrepidae]

She's not quite falling out of bed, but the blankets are kicked off near her feet. Pasiphaë follows after her, her underground maze growing and growing, and no matter what Hazel does, she can't seem to stop it. The ground opens beneath her - no, no, she did that, that's how she defeated the witch - but just before she falls -

"Hazel."

Nico's voice filters in, and something all too real touches her shoulder. She wakes with a start, one of her arms flying for her spatha, only her fingers hit Nico instead. Nico, live and real and standing before her. Her eyes scan the room anyway, already adjusted to the darkness of it.

She recognizes him there, but it'll be a moment before she's completely out of the dream. At least she stops scrambling, but her hand stays on Nico's arm. Grounding herself.

[sometimeskinder]

"Ow."

He's not actually surprised that she hits him - he'd been half expecting it, but he doesn't move out of the way. He's okay with being the something solid she needs to hold on to, right now.

"It's just me," he adds, noticing the way her eyes scan the room. His hand tightens on her shoulder, and he has to swallow down the urge to go and kill whatever's made her dream like his. For a start, it's completely possible she's already done it herself.

[intrepidae]

Her grip tightens a little at the 'ow' - which she realizes is probably counterproductive, but she's not ready to let go of him yet. There's relief when he doesn't step back either; he might have done so in the past, but they've grown a lot closer, a lot more comfortable lately. Besides, he came because he must have heard her in the first place, and the images haven't quite faded. If he's still there, she'll take it.

Hazel takes a chance and leans forward, resting her forehead against his arm, too. She doesn't close her eyes - she'd just see Pasiphaë again - but she wants a little more contact, something that Nico would be comfortable with, too, and she thinks this'll be okay. "Did I wake you up?" she mumbles.

[sometimeskinder]

She grips a little harder, but he doesn't react. He can take a little pain, for her sake. And then she's leaning against him, and he stares down at her, a little bewildered. Is she seeking comfort from him? How does he deliver?

"No, I--" His voice doesn't work probably at first; he has to stop and try again. "I was already awake. Don't worry about it." Slowly, his thumb starts to move back and forth on her shoulder. It's a start, right?

[intrepidae]

She's a little surprised by the moving gesture, but she doesn't remark on it; it'd probably just make him stop. And it helps. The world settles a little more around her, and the nightmares fade further into the background. Maybe most people might think it weird, given Nico's tendency to creep from the shadows and generally be a little creepy himself, but Hazel has always looked far beyond that. There are far scarier things out there.

"Couldn't sleep?" It doesn't even occur to her that the reason he's here is to offer her a kind of comfort and to roll with that alone. Her automatic reaction is to check on him.

[sometimeskinder]

"I don't need much." It's half true. More like he's learnt how to function without it. Still, answering her question is a lot easier than admitting that he's just here for her. "Do you...want to talk about it?" Is that how it works? "I can go, if you want to get back to sleep."

[intrepidae]

"You still need it," she admonishes, even though she's long since realized that about her brother. Hazel falls into a temporary quiet when he speaks up again, keeping her forehead pressed against him, with no signs of pulling away yet, a silent request for him not to leave yet either. She doesn't need him to admit it, she already knows he's there. "It was just a nightmare," she says finally, and though nightmares are standard and usually awful for demigods, there's an implication that at least it wasn't anything prophetic this time.

[sometimeskinder]

"But not much," he counters. He'll nap later, when he's sure she's okay again.

There's no signs of discomfort with him when she doesn't move away, because...honestly, he's not feeling uncomfortable at all. He'll stay here as long as she needs him (so long as it's just the two of them). And something in him unknots a little when she says it was just a nightmare, because as terrible as that might be, at least it wasn't something real and awful. "I'm sorry."

What for, exactly, he's not sure. But he is sorry.

[intrepidae]

Hazel sighs, a little pointedly, but she's not sure she can beat him in this argument. He's too stubborn for his own good most of the time.

He stays, though, and she's glad he's okay with it. Even comfortable - there's no tension in him over it, not like there might have been in the past. Hazel probably wouldn't have tried a month ago, but she feels more like an actual sister now, not just a not!Bianca. The fact that he's here right now cements in the other way around, too.

"You don't have to apologize," she says, almost right away. But there's a few moments before she speaks up again. "Do you think Pasiphaë is actually gone?"

[sometimeskinder]

"I don't have to no-apologise," Nico points out, whatever that means. He stays where he is, patient, just letting that small movement of his thumb keep going because she hasn't shrugged it off yet, so maybe it's working?

He wonders if another brother would reassure her. But Nico's not a fan of empty promises, so he pauses for a moment, considering his answer. "I believe you defeated her," he says finally. "But this whole war has been about things we thought were dead and buried coming back to bite us, so whether that means she's gone forever or not? I don't know."

[intrepidae]

She lets the apology - or whatever it is - slide, focusing on the contact and the way it dissipates the bad feelings.

Nico's right. But that's okay. Hazel doesn't like to shy away from falsities either, not anymore, even if she holds onto hope a little better than he does. She knows she defeated Pasiphaë, even if it is temporarily - but it's not like the woman's going to be busting into the Argo II. She doesn't need reassurance of the coddling type, just confirmation of reality. "I wouldn't let her hurt anyone. If she did come back," she says, finally, her voice soft but still quietly determined. It's saying it aloud that really helps push back the nightmare, even if she moves her hand down from his arm to take his. "At least the Doors are shut now."

That should, theoretically, make it all a little easier. Not that anything is going to be easy.